So we're in the process of getting a new server up and running at work. For the last month or so, we've spent a small fortune on IT support because things keep crashing, breaking, burning up, etc. Once the new server is up, we'll be working on getting new practice management software. All this is a nightmare for my job position, since I'm supposed to be our IT liaison and yet somehow I'm always out of the loop.
On top of that, the other person who does Data Entry just turned in her two week's notice. I don't know what they plan to do with the position, because once again I'm out of the loop. I'm concerned that they'll blindly throw someone into the position at random or that they'll ask me to work 6 days on shorter hours. Either way, this could end up being bad.
Something snapped in me last week. The day after my coworker gave notice, I felt like everything was crumbling. My anxiety medication couldn't keep up. A day later, the day our new server arrived, I was walking around with a huge smile on my face. It's not stopped. I thought maybe I had just had a temporary respite, but ever since then I've been calm, collected, cautiously optimistic. Somehow, I forgot to be stressed.
To be completely honest, I'm a bit of a basket-case. I work well under pressure, and ever since I discovered that I feel like I've been hanging on to more stress than is realistic. Do what you're good at, right? I am so very good at worrying. Frankly, the feeling I've had for these past few days is strange. Everything is fine. Normally I'd be in full-blown panic mode right now, but instead I'm cheerful and smiling. It's as though I finally realized just how good I've got it, though I've really known all along.
I live in a nice apartment in a great community. There are mountains and/or water no matter which way I look from here. I have a job which, while stressful, allows me to spend my day surrounded by amazing people and adorable cats. At the end of the day I go home to my boyfriend who makes me happier than I've ever been. I'm close to family. I have time to cook, to read, to go out and exercise.
I always knew these things. I don't know what happened that finally let me enjoy them, but I'm glad it did.
13 August 2012
24 February 2012
No Public Money for Private Arenas? No Problem!
I understand the concern about public monies. The vast majority of the money for this project is coming from a private source, including guaranteeing any cost overruns. There will be public money involved. I won't deny it. That public money comes in the form of taxes on ticket sales (which won't exist without the arena) and property taxes on the arena (which obviously won't exist without the arena). They're trying to guarantee a large revenue stream, as well, because this building is not getting built unless an NHL and NBA team are both coming to Seattle.
What I don't understand is the statement about private arenas. I can only assume that people are completely glossing over the fact that the building itself will be owned by the city. This is a gift, and quite a generous one. When the NHL and NBA aren't using the arena it can be used for conventions, concerts, cultural events, and more. Why wouldn't we want this? It's a great way to attract more people to the city. More people in the city equals more people paying taxes on hotels, on meals, on things that will go to all those public programs that you're worried about taking money from.
I swear, if I could donate money directly to this project, I would. I certainly intend to fully support it by buying tickets as soon as possible. Please give me that chance.
12 October 2011
Is Anybody Listening?
It starts with a link. This showed up on my Twitter feed earlier today. http://wearethe99percent.tumblr.com/
I spent every spare minute on breaks, at lunch, and as soon as I got home reading through the messages, looking at the pictures, crying. I feel so fortunate, so heartbroken, so uncertain. I am certainly part of that 99%, but I am not suffering.
I graduated in 2004 with a degree in Creative Writing that I have finally managed to wedge into my job at the veterinary clinic where I currently work. My grandfather, who had taught English at a university, had planned (very well), and was able to leave money for me. My parents (who raised me in a single-income household with a stay at home mother) planned well and were able to pay for my college education. Not just my tuition, but my books, my lodging, my living expenses. All of that, they gave me. I have no student loan debt.
My father is currently thinking about retiring. I wonder, sometimes, if he's as scared as I am. He works at Boeing and has for a long time. We made it through Boeing and Seattle in the 80s and I didn't know until I was much older how close some of those years came. As a child, I was in a private school (the tuition for which is now more than my college tuition was). When my parents could no longer keep me in private school, they moved so that I could be in one of the best school districts in the state. They will have been in the same house for 24 years as of this November. It's paid for, and because they've been there so long, it's still worth more than they paid for it.
I hope that if they ever need it, I am able to give as much to my parents as they gave to me. I have an inheritance. It was going to be my down payment for a home, but now it's my retirement plan. If anything should happen, though, it will be my parents' retirement plan. I hope that things will change, that my father will be able to retire. He certainly deserves it.
I have a job. There are a lot of times when I hate it. I'm doing the work of 3 people for the pay of 1. But I love what I do and I love my coworkers. It pays the bills. I have food. I have an apartment. I can afford cable and a cell phone and video games and all sorts of other luxuries. I have never been without health insurance, going from my father's plan, to my own at work, to private pay, and back to my own plan. And I'm actually putting money away in savings for the first time in my life.
Meanwhile, my friends are unemployed, underemployed, in fear of losing their jobs because their employers are running out of money. They're running out of savings and don't know how they're going to pay their bills. They're underwater on their mortgages or getting foreclosed on. They're considering filing for bankruptcy.
I am the first person to admit that I am financially irresponsible. I have learned from my mistakes. I have gotten better. I feel like an adult at last. How do I watch my friends, my coworkers, any other human being go through this kind of suffering? They didn't make ridiculous choices. They weren't out living the high life. They're just trying to get by.
More importantly, how do the people who get rich of the backs of all these people look at other human beings who are suffering and think that their yacht, their vacation home, their trip to Aruba is more important than food for those who prop them up? Be a fucking human. It's not that hard to care.
I spent every spare minute on breaks, at lunch, and as soon as I got home reading through the messages, looking at the pictures, crying. I feel so fortunate, so heartbroken, so uncertain. I am certainly part of that 99%, but I am not suffering.
I graduated in 2004 with a degree in Creative Writing that I have finally managed to wedge into my job at the veterinary clinic where I currently work. My grandfather, who had taught English at a university, had planned (very well), and was able to leave money for me. My parents (who raised me in a single-income household with a stay at home mother) planned well and were able to pay for my college education. Not just my tuition, but my books, my lodging, my living expenses. All of that, they gave me. I have no student loan debt.
My father is currently thinking about retiring. I wonder, sometimes, if he's as scared as I am. He works at Boeing and has for a long time. We made it through Boeing and Seattle in the 80s and I didn't know until I was much older how close some of those years came. As a child, I was in a private school (the tuition for which is now more than my college tuition was). When my parents could no longer keep me in private school, they moved so that I could be in one of the best school districts in the state. They will have been in the same house for 24 years as of this November. It's paid for, and because they've been there so long, it's still worth more than they paid for it.
I hope that if they ever need it, I am able to give as much to my parents as they gave to me. I have an inheritance. It was going to be my down payment for a home, but now it's my retirement plan. If anything should happen, though, it will be my parents' retirement plan. I hope that things will change, that my father will be able to retire. He certainly deserves it.
I have a job. There are a lot of times when I hate it. I'm doing the work of 3 people for the pay of 1. But I love what I do and I love my coworkers. It pays the bills. I have food. I have an apartment. I can afford cable and a cell phone and video games and all sorts of other luxuries. I have never been without health insurance, going from my father's plan, to my own at work, to private pay, and back to my own plan. And I'm actually putting money away in savings for the first time in my life.
Meanwhile, my friends are unemployed, underemployed, in fear of losing their jobs because their employers are running out of money. They're running out of savings and don't know how they're going to pay their bills. They're underwater on their mortgages or getting foreclosed on. They're considering filing for bankruptcy.
I am the first person to admit that I am financially irresponsible. I have learned from my mistakes. I have gotten better. I feel like an adult at last. How do I watch my friends, my coworkers, any other human being go through this kind of suffering? They didn't make ridiculous choices. They weren't out living the high life. They're just trying to get by.
More importantly, how do the people who get rich of the backs of all these people look at other human beings who are suffering and think that their yacht, their vacation home, their trip to Aruba is more important than food for those who prop them up? Be a fucking human. It's not that hard to care.
06 October 2011
The Wrong Side of Logic
Whoops...
Just got into a brief discussion with a few of my coworkers. It ended with all of them looking at me like I'm an idiot. It ended with me walking away because what's the point?
They were talking about reporting crimes, particularly violent ones. The consensus was that if you were reporting a crime, you shouldn't need to provide your name and information. Also, if you did need to do that, it certainly shouldn't be available to the person you were reporting. What if they retaliated? There should be some sort of protection? It's absurd!
I stood and listened for a while and eventually couldn't help myself any longer. "Well, it's in our Constitution." They stared. "The Bill of Rights." More staring. "The right to face one's accuser?" More staring.
I didn't know what to do, so I just turned around and walked away. I mean, I understand their concerns. After all, if one does commit a violent crime, then there is certainly a chance that they would use that information to retaliate against someone who turned them in. I completely understand the desire to protect your family.
What if it was the other way around, though? What if you could report anonymously? What if someone accused you of a violent crime? Battery, for example. And what if they were making it up? If they had to produce no information, then how would anyone ever find them for testimony? How would you ever refute their claims? Or, if we take the lenient assumption under those circumstances, how would the state ever prove a case against someone? After all, the police didn't witness the crime. They're merely arriving based on the tip of an anonymous stranger.
What reason would there be to stop people from falsely accusing at random? Just the goodness of humanity? Forgive me if I put a little less faith in that. That said, obviously these people didn't believe so firmly in the benevolence of strangers either, otherwise they never would have been concerned in the first place.
That's why we have rules, because sometimes people aren't good to others. That's why we have a Bill of Rights...
Sometimes you just have to walk away.
Just got into a brief discussion with a few of my coworkers. It ended with all of them looking at me like I'm an idiot. It ended with me walking away because what's the point?
They were talking about reporting crimes, particularly violent ones. The consensus was that if you were reporting a crime, you shouldn't need to provide your name and information. Also, if you did need to do that, it certainly shouldn't be available to the person you were reporting. What if they retaliated? There should be some sort of protection? It's absurd!
I stood and listened for a while and eventually couldn't help myself any longer. "Well, it's in our Constitution." They stared. "The Bill of Rights." More staring. "The right to face one's accuser?" More staring.
I didn't know what to do, so I just turned around and walked away. I mean, I understand their concerns. After all, if one does commit a violent crime, then there is certainly a chance that they would use that information to retaliate against someone who turned them in. I completely understand the desire to protect your family.
What if it was the other way around, though? What if you could report anonymously? What if someone accused you of a violent crime? Battery, for example. And what if they were making it up? If they had to produce no information, then how would anyone ever find them for testimony? How would you ever refute their claims? Or, if we take the lenient assumption under those circumstances, how would the state ever prove a case against someone? After all, the police didn't witness the crime. They're merely arriving based on the tip of an anonymous stranger.
What reason would there be to stop people from falsely accusing at random? Just the goodness of humanity? Forgive me if I put a little less faith in that. That said, obviously these people didn't believe so firmly in the benevolence of strangers either, otherwise they never would have been concerned in the first place.
That's why we have rules, because sometimes people aren't good to others. That's why we have a Bill of Rights...
Sometimes you just have to walk away.
24 September 2011
Sometimes Things Just Click
I woke up this morning feeling very... self-assured? That's not the right term, but I simply cannot find the right words right now. I felt like I might suddenly understand something today that has been just outside my grasp. Like the world had something to tell me. And it didn't take long. I hadn't even been up an hour when I read an article about marriage (when and why people make that decision).
I was raised in a family different from that of a lot of my friends. My parents have been married for 41 years now. I think I was in middle school before I made my first friends whose parents were still together. Now the numbers are a little more balanced. But when I was growing up, I learned pretty quick that my experience wasn't necessarily the typical one. I never had any delusions that getting married meant staying married, but I did think that it was something that one did when they found the right person.
Then, when I was 22, I got engaged to the wrong person. It didn't take me too long to figure out that it wasn't right. And fortunately I didn't get married before I learned that. In fact, I set up barriers, goals that we would have to meet before we could wed. And they were goals that the two of us could never have achieved. It did take me 2 years past that engagement to end the relationship, though it was probably only days before I decided to do so. But why did I say yes in the first place?
I was 22. Don't tell me you didn't make any mistakes when you were 22, especially when it comes to relationships. But that's no excuse. My parents got married when they were 21. So why would I say yes to a proposal that I was only half-hearted about in the first place and that I was adamantly opposed to only days later. Because I wanted to get married. When I say that, I don't mean that I wanted a long, happy marriage (though I did want that as well, but that clearly wasn't a consideration when I said yes). I wanted the wedding. The dress and the party and to be the center of attention. I wanted people to say how beautiful I looked and how wonderful it all was. And I wanted it then more than ever, because I had lost any sense of self-worth in that relationship and it certainly was not wonderful. I was heartbroken and destroyed and thought that a white dress and a day of amazing things would make it all better.
Two years later I came to my senses and left. I realized, finally, that that wasn't how things were supposed to be. The wedding wouldn't fix our relationship. I had examined, for those two years, the marriages of my parents and his parents and realized that if I stood in front of a priest with that man that we would end up like his parents. I would be secondary to everything, waiting on him all the time, always heartbroken. So I walked out.
I've been in a wonderful relationship for six years now, and it's hard to believe that I could have ever tolerated the last one. I no longer crave the wedding, because he makes me feel beautiful and amazing every day. I don't need a big party for that. Every single day I get to come home to a man who is supportive and kind, thoughtful and caring. That doesn't mean that we don't have our disagreements, but they're little, we work through them, and we move on. I would do anything in my power to make him happy.
Or so I thought. Because I still clung to the idea that eventually marriage was something that happens. I had a good example to look at and why didn't he want that? The experience he had was different and I always said that I understood how he felt, why he might be reluctant, but it wouldn't be like that for us. We would work out. I would never hurt him. If we just got married it would all be wonderful.
First, how could I understand how he felt? My parents never divorced. I have no idea how that affects a person. Second, how selfish am I? I didn't realize that until this morning. I love him and things are wonderful. I don't need to declare that to the world. I don't need to tell anyone else. I just need to tell him. Married or not, I wholeheartedly plan on spending the rest of my life with this man. He's made me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. No vows, no ring, no piece of paper is going to change that.
I was raised in a family different from that of a lot of my friends. My parents have been married for 41 years now. I think I was in middle school before I made my first friends whose parents were still together. Now the numbers are a little more balanced. But when I was growing up, I learned pretty quick that my experience wasn't necessarily the typical one. I never had any delusions that getting married meant staying married, but I did think that it was something that one did when they found the right person.
Then, when I was 22, I got engaged to the wrong person. It didn't take me too long to figure out that it wasn't right. And fortunately I didn't get married before I learned that. In fact, I set up barriers, goals that we would have to meet before we could wed. And they were goals that the two of us could never have achieved. It did take me 2 years past that engagement to end the relationship, though it was probably only days before I decided to do so. But why did I say yes in the first place?
I was 22. Don't tell me you didn't make any mistakes when you were 22, especially when it comes to relationships. But that's no excuse. My parents got married when they were 21. So why would I say yes to a proposal that I was only half-hearted about in the first place and that I was adamantly opposed to only days later. Because I wanted to get married. When I say that, I don't mean that I wanted a long, happy marriage (though I did want that as well, but that clearly wasn't a consideration when I said yes). I wanted the wedding. The dress and the party and to be the center of attention. I wanted people to say how beautiful I looked and how wonderful it all was. And I wanted it then more than ever, because I had lost any sense of self-worth in that relationship and it certainly was not wonderful. I was heartbroken and destroyed and thought that a white dress and a day of amazing things would make it all better.
Two years later I came to my senses and left. I realized, finally, that that wasn't how things were supposed to be. The wedding wouldn't fix our relationship. I had examined, for those two years, the marriages of my parents and his parents and realized that if I stood in front of a priest with that man that we would end up like his parents. I would be secondary to everything, waiting on him all the time, always heartbroken. So I walked out.
I've been in a wonderful relationship for six years now, and it's hard to believe that I could have ever tolerated the last one. I no longer crave the wedding, because he makes me feel beautiful and amazing every day. I don't need a big party for that. Every single day I get to come home to a man who is supportive and kind, thoughtful and caring. That doesn't mean that we don't have our disagreements, but they're little, we work through them, and we move on. I would do anything in my power to make him happy.
Or so I thought. Because I still clung to the idea that eventually marriage was something that happens. I had a good example to look at and why didn't he want that? The experience he had was different and I always said that I understood how he felt, why he might be reluctant, but it wouldn't be like that for us. We would work out. I would never hurt him. If we just got married it would all be wonderful.
First, how could I understand how he felt? My parents never divorced. I have no idea how that affects a person. Second, how selfish am I? I didn't realize that until this morning. I love him and things are wonderful. I don't need to declare that to the world. I don't need to tell anyone else. I just need to tell him. Married or not, I wholeheartedly plan on spending the rest of my life with this man. He's made me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. No vows, no ring, no piece of paper is going to change that.
15 September 2011
Free Entertainment?
I ranted extensively on Twitter last night about free entertainment. I have encountered, recently, more and more people who believe that they deserve to get entertainment products for free. They think that they should not have to pay for games, movies, tv, books, etc. They think that streaming services ranging from $6-10 a month are a rip off. They think DVD delivery is too expensive. They feel they are entitled to these things and why should they have to pay for them?
I have seen people use pirated software and argue that it is just way too expensive to buy. There are times when I agree that software is obscenely expensive, but I simply don't buy it or I use stripped down versions that are cheaper. There is a reason that stuff is pricey. It takes hundreds of people thousands of hours to develop. Do you work for free? No? Then why would you ask anyone else to?
And that's really the gist of what I'm getting at here. I believe that an artist or craftsperson should be able to make a living at their trade. I like to support the people who create the things I like so that they may go on creating things that I like rather than having to take a second job because people steal their work. We all laugh at the silly warnings on the beginning of DVDs about piracy, but why do we think it's okay to steal creative content? Why do we want to take a source of revenue from someone who is working their tail off just to provide us with something that makes us smile in a day? It's not like it comes easy. All these things take a lot of work.
I guess I just don't understand.
I have seen people use pirated software and argue that it is just way too expensive to buy. There are times when I agree that software is obscenely expensive, but I simply don't buy it or I use stripped down versions that are cheaper. There is a reason that stuff is pricey. It takes hundreds of people thousands of hours to develop. Do you work for free? No? Then why would you ask anyone else to?
And that's really the gist of what I'm getting at here. I believe that an artist or craftsperson should be able to make a living at their trade. I like to support the people who create the things I like so that they may go on creating things that I like rather than having to take a second job because people steal their work. We all laugh at the silly warnings on the beginning of DVDs about piracy, but why do we think it's okay to steal creative content? Why do we want to take a source of revenue from someone who is working their tail off just to provide us with something that makes us smile in a day? It's not like it comes easy. All these things take a lot of work.
I guess I just don't understand.
29 July 2011
Time is Moving Backwards
Ever have one of those days where you glance at the clock and then do what feels like an hour's worth of work and then look at the clock again only to discover that a mere 10 minutes has passed? That's today.
I love the new Dyson DC35 Digital Slim that I picked up recently. Yes, the battery doesn't last very long, but it's so convenient and easy to use that I can do maintenance every day and never have an issue with the battery. I'm doing well on the cleaning project. Have to get one more stack done and possibly buy another bin for the storage unit, but it's a lot better. Meanwhile, I'm taking a bit of a break from housework. I'm under orders not to get right to work on dinner or cleaning when I get home. Forced relaxation...
It's working, though. Between the new awareness, the deliberate rest, and the new medication everything is going pretty well. I still haven't really talked to the boyfriend about the meds. I told him that I'm on them, but I don't know how to explain why. I had to go in because I was really causing some strain and he's the most important thing in the world to me. I couldn't lose him over my inability to maintain a stable mood. So here I am, back on anti-depressants with no way to explain that I'm not depressed because I'm sad, but rather I'm sad because I'm depressed. In fact, I should be the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. Everything is going my way. The fact that I'm not just over the moon all the time was one of the early signs for me. It's all getting back on track now.
I just got into an argument about donuts. How silly is that? Is there a definitive difference between a cruller
and an old fashioned
or am I imagining that? I never thought the two were interchangeable. Always thought of crullers as light and airy, whereas old-fashioneds are dense and cakey... Oh well, as I mentioned, not important. That said, a client brought in donuts and I was pretty excited because there wasn't a single kind that I like. It's hard to resist the snacks in here sometimes, especially when the medication makes me hungry all the time.
Currently reading:
I love the new Dyson DC35 Digital Slim that I picked up recently. Yes, the battery doesn't last very long, but it's so convenient and easy to use that I can do maintenance every day and never have an issue with the battery. I'm doing well on the cleaning project. Have to get one more stack done and possibly buy another bin for the storage unit, but it's a lot better. Meanwhile, I'm taking a bit of a break from housework. I'm under orders not to get right to work on dinner or cleaning when I get home. Forced relaxation...
It's working, though. Between the new awareness, the deliberate rest, and the new medication everything is going pretty well. I still haven't really talked to the boyfriend about the meds. I told him that I'm on them, but I don't know how to explain why. I had to go in because I was really causing some strain and he's the most important thing in the world to me. I couldn't lose him over my inability to maintain a stable mood. So here I am, back on anti-depressants with no way to explain that I'm not depressed because I'm sad, but rather I'm sad because I'm depressed. In fact, I should be the happiest I've ever been in my whole life. Everything is going my way. The fact that I'm not just over the moon all the time was one of the early signs for me. It's all getting back on track now.
I just got into an argument about donuts. How silly is that? Is there a definitive difference between a cruller
and an old fashioned
or am I imagining that? I never thought the two were interchangeable. Always thought of crullers as light and airy, whereas old-fashioneds are dense and cakey... Oh well, as I mentioned, not important. That said, a client brought in donuts and I was pretty excited because there wasn't a single kind that I like. It's hard to resist the snacks in here sometimes, especially when the medication makes me hungry all the time.
Currently reading:
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